Do you pee on a sting? How DOES that immortal one do it? And most importantly: how many can you take in a fight???
Read moreCanada Invented Birds
When it comes down to it, basically, in a roundabout way, Canada definitely invented birds so you’re welcome.
Read moreAge of Beetles
With estimates of 1 to 10 million species and population numbers that are just staggering to think about, quantitatively arthropods are the winners by several thousand landslides made up of primarily beetles.
Read moreBird Breath
It’s all very complicated and ridiculous, as is expected from birds.
Read moreMammals Are Over
Rats, dogs, cats, rabbits, weasels - you name it, we ruined everything with it.
Read moreNature's Drunks
Birds can and have been observed getting totally sauced on various delicious fermented fruits.
Read moreHumans Are Bad Eatin'
We have the audacity to cover most of our vulnerable points with stuff, and we’ve built these extremely non-bird-friendly zones in which we like to live. How unconscionably rude of us, amirite?
Read morePenguins Are An Affront To Science
Poor Levick was traumatized, and decided that signing up for several world wars sounded way better than being a zoologist anymore.
Read moreThe Rare and Majestic Red Junglefowl
“OH, YOU’RE A FUNNY ONE,” you might say. “PLEASE. THOSE ARE JUST THE BORING, REGULAR KIND OF CHICKENS, YOU JOKESTER” And you’d be so wrong! But also right, I guess? Anyway.
Read moreLike Pandas, But Better
Red pandas are just another adorable mammal that people care about for their looks alone, but at least they aren’t giant pandas.
Read moreMicrobeads Are The Devil
“Your product is garbage and you single-handedly murdered like four hundred baby albatrosses you monster.”
Read moreCetaceans In Captivity II
All I ask is just that everyone THINKS about this whole topic before forming an instantaneous opinion.
Read moreRogue Taxidermy
I have NO PROBLEM with a taxidermist doing whatever the heck they want with whatever legal animal parts they want.
Read moreTen Habits of Highly Elusive Cryptids
TL;DR: DON’T WRITE OFF ALL OF CRYPTOZOOLOGY AS COMPLETE NONSENSE. BUT ALSO PLEASE WRITE OFF MOST OF CRYPTOZOOLOGY AS COMPLETE NONSENSE.
Read morePandas Are Less Over
“THE GIANT PANDA IS NOW VULNERABLE WE CAN’T PICK ON PANDAS ANYMORE”
2008 IUCN assessment (”Endangered”)*
estimated the population at 1000-2000 individuals, definitely <2500
<250 mature adults in each isolated population
“Until recently there has been a general population decline, although there is hope that this has been reversed by general habitat improvements — nevertheless, this remains an uncertainty.”
2016 IUCN assessment (”Vulnerable”)
estimated total population at 2060 individuals, ~1040 mature adults
<1000 mature adults in each isolated population (now that many of the 2008 subpopulations have merged)
“it is widely believed that the population has stabilized and has begun to increase in many parts of the range”
“Although the population is currently increasing, climate change is predicted to eliminate >35% of the Panda’s bamboo habitat in the next 80 years, and thus the Panda population is projected to decline”
“The Giant Panda will remain a conservation-dependent species for the foreseeable future.”
Summary: I’ll give up my panda-conservation-hate when you pry it from my COLD, DEAD HANDS.
Real talk: as I see it, this assessment will either a) result in a “WE DID IT, WE’RE DONE HERE” mentality that will ultimately lead to their extinction, or b) change nothing, and pandas will continue to be the face of a conservation standard that absorbs ludicrous amounts of money for painfully incremental progress like some kind of demonic portal to the charismatic megafaunal void realm
*2008 IUCN assessment can be downloaded from the 2016 assessment page
If A Whale Falls In The Ocean
As with all good science, everybody and their dog is publishing papers arguing furiously on which species are where, for how long, and if they can be found anywhere else.
Read moreSea Cows Are Water Horses
Manatees are the ONLY obligate marine mammals that AREN’T EVEN MODERATELY CLOSELY RELATED TO COWS, AND YET.
Read moreThe Dark Wizardry of Albatrosses
Albatrosses use a method called dynamic soaring, which basically means they use their [dark wizard powers] hypersensitivity to the air patterns around them to hack fluid dynamics.
Read moreVULTURE WARS
Juvenile turkey vultures are more “darth vader, but as a good dad” than full-on palpatine.
Read moreThe Earth Is Dying (But We're Trying)
Just don’t stop talking about it.
Read more